There is such a thing as a "Monkeysphere"...

...And they found it by looking at monkey brains. The bigger a colony, the bigger the brain of the monkey. They could take a monkey's brain, look at it, and say "This monkey belonged to a colony of 70 monkeys or so."
So one day, this smart alec takes a brain in, and the examiners estimated it to belong to a monkey of a troop of 200 or so monkeys.
Except it wasn't a monkey brain. It was a people brain.

Relevent? Certainly. Look at monkey colony dynamics.
Within of itself, it is a group of x creatures who live and hunt together, and are codependent. They will play with and love each other. They will suffer personally for the benefit of a fellow monkey.
These monkeys would die for one of these 70 monkeys.
And kill anyone of the remaining millions.
If someone outside of their colony, their Monkeysphere, steps within 50 feet of them
Why, they might kill them.

And don't pretend this has nothing to do with us.
We're pretty closely related to these guys, particularly on a behavioural level.
And evidence of the human Monkeysphere is everywhere.

As far as we go, "Monkeysphere" has been attributed in human behavioural psychology to describe everyone we care about. Apparently, 200-300 individuals, with possibilities for a lot more. Anyone you care about, who you would care about dying, rests within this monkeysphere.
And everyone else.... well, they're not people.

Remember that alien feeling you sometimes get when you see a teacher outside of school? Or when you catch that colleague of yours in town? It feels weird, because you're being reminded that these, these- animate objects, these things that are merely routine scenery, are actually people. Not just humans, people, with feelings, friends, family, thoughts, all of it.

And that's why it's so weird.

I think it's interesting to think about, that of all the thousands, possibly millions of faces you will see in your life time, you will only be affected by maybe several hundred of them. If that.

I guess you should pick carefully.

I played a game on the bus today.

I decided that of all the people I could see around me, I would find several things that were positive about them, that I could say to their face, and mean it.
It was hard at first, and did rely on a lot of superficial factors, and assumptions I had made. Which was more or less counter-intuitive to the point I was trying to make to myself about prejudice and appearances.
But it was refreshing.
It was nice to think things like "Well, she's obviously very family forward", than the thoughts that appeared unevoked, like "Gosh, somebody doesn't know when to say "when".".
I recommend it.

A product of a wasted Business Studies Lesson

Remember,
aaaaaaaaaaaWhen you were young,
And a friend, bursting with pride,
aaLets you in
aaaaaaaaaaon his newest secret.

Tentatively, you raise your hands,
aaHugspan apart,
aaaaaaaaBeside yet inside his.

"No! Push out!
aaaaaaaaaaInto my hands!
aYes, like that, but harder!"

aaYou push harder.

aaaAnd like this you stay,
You trying to spread your arms
aaHim supressing.

aaYou push harder.

aaaThis brittle ring
shaking under strain
aaaaThe urge to break,
aaaa''aaaaaaaato destroy,
aarising.

aaYou push harder.

Tension rises.
It can't last.
It will break.
aaaaaaaaaaaaSnap.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaEnd.
Hurt.

But he contains it, securely.
aaYou meet his eye.
aaaaaaaHe smiles, securely.

This moment, where equilibrium
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaais struck
This moment, where you know
aaaaaaathat everything
aaaais

The Best.

That
aaaaais how I feel
With you


Shatter;
As he lets go.

His innocent game is finished.

But
Before he turns away from you.
Before he divulges the same secret into another's ears
Before his betrayal
aaaHe tells you

To place your arms where they once were
And feel him in the air.

Slowly,
aaaaaa you find where he used to be,
A ghost of a memory
aaaaa Of heaven.

Silver Screen
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa(Speckled with time)
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa(greyed with haze)
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaqaaaaa(Not like the first time)
aaaaadddddddaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa(Never as good as the first time)
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa(Want it back)
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa(GIVE IT BACK)
aaaaaaaaaaaaaof your best moment

That
aaaa is how I feel
Without you.

I'm hoping on shifting a backlog of posts tonight....

I've been writing a lot but not publishing.... I'm still not sure what i should put up, but hey, we'll find out. Just a warning as all.

[Wander/Wonder]

I'm not applying myself into anything else right now, so let's make a blug post!
[Insert generic rambling about how I don't know what to write, I guess I'll just type whatever, cos I'm so random LOL]

I would say I'm pretty dedicated to efficiency actually. The only reason Im doing this now is because I don't want to waste time right now. I always want to make sure I'm doing something. If I'm doing nothing, I need to make sure I'm doing it purposefully.
I won't wrestle with the typical stereotypes of how guys can't multi-task, excepting that I do it all the time. I also try to make a point of absorbing all I can at anyone time- watching tv + listening to podcast + reading newspaper. It feels like a drug, honestly, such raw information.
Do you ever walk down the middle of curved roads, in the way of traffic, just to make the shortest path? Or failing that, convince everyone to cross the road everytime the inside curve switches sides?
I was talking with friends a while ago, and we realised how OCD we all were. Or at least what society deems to be OCD without really paying much attention. But we all had little things. There were people who had to walk on the right hand side of people, the people who needed their stationary perpendicular, all these wonderful beautiful quirks. Personally, I needed to turn light switches on/off/on once entering a room, and off/on/off when leaving, I had to pop the diet tabs on all drinks and flick the ring-pulls off of cans and I have to walk in knight steps. Knight like the chess-piece.. These were the tamer ones.
I've noticed myself getting a lot more extrovertive in recent times. More expressive. Louder. Making silly gestures, saying silly things, losing a little restraint. I'm not sure whether I want to leave this be (Maybe it's a development of character? Coming out of my shell) or put a bung in it, lest I cause significant annoyance to all around me. It's interesting to witness though. I wonder why it's happening.

Didn't see myself here a few months ago.

This blog is going to sound incredibly insensitive.
And it's posting is probably going to bring about some incredibly bad luck.

But I'm the only one I know in a relationship.
*Touch Wood*

When it started, 4 months and a day from today, there were several relationships ongoing simultaneously. Honestly, it kinda felt like we were all smushed together, one big block of happy and awesome.

But then it chipped and cracked, and as the marble fell, it just seems like we've been left standing above the rest.
*touch wood*

And as much of a braggart I feel saying it, it feels kind of good.
"Romantic screw-up doesn't really screw up for 4 months and a day"
...
Well, I suppose there is a reason I don't write for a newspaper.

I won't beat around the bush, I'm incredibly ecstatic and proud that I've found a girl who has given me previously unfelt happiness, whilst being patient enough to stick around and ignore my errs, but i feel a little guilty that no one (Save maybe Tabby) is sharing this immense joy.
But then again, that little stab of guilt is thoroughly masturbatory, and I feel pretty good about feeling bad.

On a completely unrelated note, I'm getting really worried by my inability to properly prioritise. During the holidays, where I'm supposed to be completing Math practice papers, English AS and IT GCSE, I've done none, in favour of trivial activities. My order of preference?
1) Sleeping
2) Intensive washing
3) Gaming
4) Drinking (fluids, not alcohol)
5) Leaving my house
6) Eating
7) Work

...This is mildly unhealthy, to say the least. I can't do any work on friday, because I'm meeting my thoroughly interesting German Jewish Great Aunt who escaped Nazi Germany, and my parents will be suspicious during the weekend. Thus, tomorrow i'm working my ass off.
If I can even get out of bed.
Or stop washing.
Or put down my DS
Etc.

Of Shininess and Sweater-Vests

Maybe it's the change of season, and all that Sun getting to my head. Maybe it's the sudden lack of school.

But everything's so shiny right now. Everything is great.

I look around, and the sights are beautiful. I keep stumbling on music that gives me shivers.
I'm even enjoying people's company more than usual. I have been laughing in a way that I haven't laughed in quite a while.

I'm at that point of ecstasy that I'm unable to stop myself singing down confused cul-de-sacs.
And I'll be damned if I don't savour it.
The other day, I actually took a walk. So I could preserve that moment of happiness. So I could take in the surrounding beauty.
Just read those sentences again. I'm happy.

I think it has something to do with this feeling of self-actualisation I've been having. Recently, I've just been feeling closer to that person I strive to be.
I'm not there yet. But the other day, I wore a sweater-vest.
Casually.
That's something I've longed to do for maybe a year or two. And it felt great.
Sure, it sounds stupid, and it's essentially equivalent to an ego-less girl finally trying on thsoe daring red heels she bought but was assured by confidants that she just couldn't pull off.
But I don't care. Cause I can wear a sweater-vest.
I've grown.